TheChez.net

by ssjrem

All right, now this should be a very intriguing match. In some ways, the Bourne movies ushered in a new era of spy films, one that is much grittier and harsher. In order to keep up, the decades old Bond Franchise needed a reinvention of the classic ladies’ man. In comes Casino Royale, an absolutely fantastic film that falls just shy of making my top ten list of the past decade. We are introduced to a more three dimensional Bond, one who is just as adept with a pistol as he is with his bare hands. Standing in his way is Jason Bourne, a man trying to piece together his life. Bourne has been essentially trained into a super soldier. Pitting these two against one another makes for a very interesting match up.

Jason Bourne: I really did enjoy all three Bourne films, though I don’t think any one of them was as good as Casino Royale. But that’s beside the point. Bourne is a beast. His hand to hand combat skills are pretty much second to none. Toward the beginning of the first movie, he disarms two cops like nothing. He gets in fights all the time and always seems to manage to come out on top. He uses any and all things around him to his advantage, whether that be a rolled up magazine, a pen or a towel. Bourne will get the job done. Add to that his pinpoint accuracy with a number of firearms and you’ve got one hell of a guy right here. And he’s also a fantastic driver, able to evade pretty much anyone, even if he’s in a significantly shittier car. He’s tough too and despite taking a lot of punishment sometimes, manages to keep on fighting and just not give up. He’s a tank.

James Bond: Daniel Craig has brought us a new Bond, one which kicks more ass than ever, yet can still pick up the ladies no problem. He still tends to rely more on a gun than on his fists but when push comes to shove and he has to fight hand to hand, he still kicks ass. He has no trouble beating the shit out of the guys at the hotel about midway through the movie. Like Bourne, this Bond can take a lot of punishment. Hell, he takes a fucking rope to the testicles multiple times and even jokes about it. That takes tremendous endurance. Bond is also a great driver, though he doesn’t really get to showcase that until Quantum of Solace. I don’t quite think he can match Bourne’s skills, but at the very least, he’d sure as hell put up quite a chase. Also like Bourne, Daniel Craig’s Bond will get the job done anyway that he can. In the awesome parkour sequence from Casino Royale, Bond can’t do all the fancy parkour moves, but he nonetheless keeps pace with the more agile bomb maker. So, on to the battle!

The Fight: So, let’s just set this as taking in place in some random hotel that Bourne is staying in. He’s alone and Bond is sent on a mission to take him out. So, Bond breaks down the door to the suite and instantly scans the room with his trusted p99 pistol. Bourne has hidden himself, having reacted very quickly to the door breaking down. Bond overlooks the room, getting a feel for it, the space and anything he could to his advantage. Bourne has taken a knife from the kitchen and tries to stab at Bond from the side, but he dodges. Bourne tries several more strikes before Bond catches his arm. Bourne goes for a punch, but Bond drops the gun and just barely manages to block it. The two struggle for a bit, trying to gain control. Bond tires of this and headbutts Bourne, causing him to relax his grip. Bond lands a punishing blow to Bourne’s stomach, causing the superspy to take a step back. He goes to reach for his gun, but Bourne recovers quickly and kicks Bond in the face, stunning him.

Bourne then lands a crushing punch to Bond’s face, sending him to the floor. Bourne picks up the gun and points it at Bond, careful to keep his distance. Bourne says he to Bond, “Who are you? Who sent you!?” Bond’s breathing heavily, studying Bourne, knowing this won’t be easy. He tries to get up, but Bourne reacts quickly and kicks 007 in the gut. Bourne says again, “Who sent you?!” Bond refuses to answer. He combs the ground with his hands, finding nothing of use. He curses to himself while Bourne keeps the gun pointed at him. “Come on, get on your feet!” says Bourne to his fellow spy. Bond gets up slowly, still reeling from the blows left by Bourne. He makes a made dash toward the balcony, surprising Bourne with his speed. Bourne goes for a strike, but Bond swings a chair he finds on the balcony. Bourne backsteps, so Bond drops the chair and the two engage in fast-paced fisticuffs for a few moments. Bourne gets the upperhand and hits Bond across the face with the gun, knocking him to the ground again. Bourne lands a few more crushing blows, but Bond refuses to give in. Bourne realizes he has no choice and he has to shoot Bond. His brief hesitance allows Bond to get up once more and reach for the gun. Bourne reacts quickly and foils Bond’s attempt, but in the scuffle,  007 is sent flying off the balcony, falling to his death eight stories below. Bourne looks down at the body and sighs deeply. He moves on.

Yeah, uh, I really don’t like the way that fight turned out. It was much more difficult than I thought it would be to do a regular fight fight between two humans. I’m used to making more fantastical fight. But, anyway, yeah, I definitely think Bourne would win. Bond would sure as hell put up a good fight, but Bourne would come out on top, but he’d definitely have to bleed to do so.

Winner: Jason Bourne

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