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This isn’t one of my actual physical fight blogs, but a mere match up of two current popular female artists (and I use the term “artist” loosely in Ke$ha’s case). Lady Gaga burst on to the scene in 2008 and really, really took off last year. She had several hit singles and frequently turned heads with some of her antics and her bizarre fashion choices. Now, Kesha (fuck the dollar sign) has come along and I’ve seen some comparisons drawn. So, let’s compare the two in a few categories, shall we?

Music: Both Gaga and Kesha kind of fall into the same sort of pop/dance sort of genre, but Gaga just does it better. Everything Kesha does comes off as completely half-assed. Lady Gaga’s been in the music industry for several years and knows what she’s doing. Kesha’s debut album is just all over the place and doesn’t have anything beyond catchy dance songs on it. I doubt she’s even capable of anything beyond that. Lady Gaga has far more depth than dance songs, though she doesn’t show it enough.

Winner: Lady Gaga

Lyrics: Lady Gaga’s albums are, dare I say this, ever so slightly concept albums. And I admit that’s a stretch, but it’s the truth. Her first album, The Fame, concerned rising to fame and all the things that come along with that, mostly the good. It was more upbeat and happy. The songs were ridiculously catchy and very-well put together. And Gaga showed way more depth than Kesha has so far. And then Lady Gaga’s second album, The Fame Monster, continues the story from the first, showing some of the darker sides of fame and fortune. It’s not as upbeat as the first. And I do use the term “darker” a bit loosely, but compared to The Fame, it’s definitely different. Kesha is just kind of, well, garbage. Her songs are entirely about being a disgusting drunken slut and being proud of it. Hmmmm…. difficult decision here.

Winner: Lady Gaga

Vocal Ability: Lady Gaga CAN sing. She has a really good voice, but she doesn’t really showcase it all that often. She’s often more concerned with the fashion and all of her antics. Kesha can’t sing to save her life. Every single line of every one of her songs is either autotuned or in some way technologically enhanced. Her voice is isn’t that great. To see for yourself, let’s look at live performances of both ladies.

First up, Lady Gaga back when she still went by her birthname, Stefani Germanotta.

The girl can sing. And you can see that even in her live performances today, though it’s somewhat upstaged by all the other things she’s got going on. So, let’s look at Kesha’s amazing vocal range!

She can, and this a stretch, kind of sort of almost sing. Yeah, it’s better than I could do, but I’m tone deaf. Literally. Anyway, her voice is nowhere near good enough to be an actual musical artist. She’s just lucky she came along in an era when you don’t have to be able to sing to be a singer thanks to technology.

Winner: Lady Gaga

Expressive

Image: Both ladies are kind of odd and unusual, but each chooses to project very different images. Lady Gaga is all about embracing the “monster” within all of us. With her bizarre fashion and everything, she’s just expressing herself and saying that no one should be afraid to do the same. It’s okay to show a little bit of the freak inside us all. She realizes how powerful women can be and projects that image.Yes, she’s often scantily clad and all that, but that’s not showing that she’s a slut. It’s all just expression and it usually has to do with showing off her latest piece of fasion. More often it’s about her hairdo or mask or whatever than the fact that she’s wearing incredibly tight pants or none at all. If Lady Gaga weren’t a muscial artist, she’d definitely make a good living in the fasion world because everything that she comes up with is remarkably inventive.

Slutty

Kesha, on the other hand, is a completely disgusting slut. She’s just dirty as all hell and thinks that’s a good thing. Throughout her first album, Animal, all she talks about (with the exception of one song) is just being drunk, partying and having sex. Yes, I realize that in some ways Kesha is trying to turn around the classic way that guys talk about girls in songs by doing the opposite. In Blah Blah Blah, she literally says “Dont be a little bitch with your chit chat just show me where your dicks at.” Yeah, that’s great. Kesha thinks she’s doing something good here by being an aggressor and turning convention on its head, but she’s just being stupid. It won’t work like that. Instead of actually rising above the normal image of women, she sinks lower than anyone has and in fact makes the problem even worse. Kesha just makes it seem like it’s okay or even empowering to act like a complete slut and that’s how she chooses to defy society’s expectations, pretty much the complete opposite of Lady Gaga. Kesha’s just a fool.

Winner: Lady Gaga

And, there you have it, Lady Gaga sweeps 4-0. Nothing was a difficult decision. Even still, Lady Gaga doesn’t compare to the countless  great bands and artists of both past and present. Gaga might go down in history, but she’s got nothing on plenty of artists. I like her music, I like her whole image, but I readily admit there’s far better music out there. Kesha is just a whore who sucks. Plain and simple. I hope people wake the fuck up and realize what a piece of shit she is, but then again, I’m beseeching the same public that repeatedly pushes The Black Eyed Peas to the top of the charts. Even by their own incredibly low standards, the BEP’s latest album was atrocious. But I’m going off on rants here. And yes, I realize it’s a little odd for me to defend someone like Lady Gaga, but compared to Kesha, she might as well be fucking Mozart.

And remember, friends, just dance.