TheChez.net

By Lundin’ Bridge

For my first post (finally), I thought I’d pay homage to perhaps the greatest cartoon/human film of all time. No I’m not talking about Who Framed Roger Rabbit. Or Ghostbusters. I’m of course talking about Space Jam.

In 1996, director Joe Pytka decided to take the most popular cartoon and NBA players of that time and throw them into a movie. And it worked. Who would have ever thought that Michael Jordan, Charles Barkley, Patrick Ewing, Larry Johnson, Muggsy Bogues, and Larry Bird could be funny? (Notice I left out Shawn Bradley. He sucked in the NBA and he sucked in the movie. That’s the best white player they could have gotten? Really? Vlade Divac makes a brief appearance, they should have gotten him.) Then add Bill Murray and Newman from Seinfeld for witty comic relief and you’ve got yourself a masterpiece. Imagine if someone were to do that today. Let’s see.. The cast of Spongebob meets Lebron, Kobe, Dwight Howard, Shaq, and we’ll say Steve Nash as the white guy. Actually that would also be a fucking hilarious movie.. Regardless, no one expected the movie to have much of an impact. But I can guarantee that in a room full of kids who grew up in the 90’s at least of half of them would be able to quote at least one line from Space Jam.

Now for a quick glance into the movie. I don’t know if this is exactly in the right order because I don’t have the movie right in front of me, but it’ll be close enough. SPOILER ALERT!, but if you’ve yet to see Space Jam you should be stabbed 33 times by all of your closest friends just like Caesar was. The movie begins with the introduction of Michael Jordan as a kid, shooting free throws when he couldn’t fall asleep, and telling his father that he’s one day going to be awesome. We all remember the four step layup he takes (legal in the NBA?)  before the movie opening credits begin and the Space Jam song blasts through your T.V. Then flash forward to when we meet Michael Jordan in the gray period of his life when he thought that he could be a better baseball player than he was a basketball one. Yeah that went well Mike. You could have won 8 straight championships and went down as playing on the best team in history along with being the greatest player of all time (You can tell I was once a Bulls fan). But again, I digress, that’s for another post at another time. So Jordan is going to play baseball. We then flash to the crew at Moron Mountain, which consists of the boss and the martians who will eventually be known as the Monstars. According to sources, the boss’s name is Mr. Swackhammer and the little martians have names too,al though they don’t fucking tell us that in the actual movie. So business sucks at Moron Mountain and they need a way to bring in revenue. What better way to get business than to bring in the Looney Tunes. Again flash back to Earth. We find Jordan at a baseball game, sucking. But everyone loves him because he’s fucking Michael Jordan. The catcher even tells him what pitch is coming but he still strikes out, to a standing ovation of course. Back in space, the martians travel to LooneyTune Land and threaten their imprisonment. However, quick-witted Bugs Bunny gives them a challenge: if they beat the tiny martians in a basketball game they won’t have to go. Quite a predicament for the martians. The martians have decided to take the talent from the best in the NBA so they came beat the Tunes. Good call. Flash to Earth. The martians take the talent from the best players. But again, why Mike Bradley? Anyway, Jordan gets wind of this and thinks it’s great he got out in time. However, while playing a fun-filled game of golf with Larry Bird and Bill Murray, Jordan gets kidnapped by Bugs Bunny to help the Tunes in the basketball game. With some practice and his North Carolina shorts, Jordan gets back in the groove of basketball, and yadda yadda yadda, the TuneSquad upsets the Monstars with help from Bill Murray and a last second arm-stretching dunk by Jordan. The NBA players get their talent back, the Tunes are safe, the aliens get rid of their boss, and Jordan goes back to the NBA. Thus, all is well with both LooneyTune Land and planet Earth.

So, as you can see, I LOVE THIS MOVIE. If you haven’t seen it, watch it now. This movie was such a highlight in my childhood, to bring together my favorite basketball player and cartoon at the time. I love that the movie pokes fun at the fact that Jordan sucked at baseball and should have never left from the NBA in the first place, and makes reference to events that were happening at the time(such as Disney naming a team name The Ducks, ala The Mighty Ducks, or Charles Barkley dating Madonna for a short time). It’s funny to think that without the Looney Tunes we would have never seen the return of Michale Jordan. Plus the supporting cast add perfect comic relief to put the icing on the cake. I’m a sucker for movies with dry humor, but some of the one liners in the movie were absolutely great. Here’s some examples of what I’m talking about:

-”The mouse? You picked the mouse?”

-”Larry’s not white… Larry’s clear.”

-”You guy’s can’t beat that; that’s the best shot I’ve ever hit. That’s a hall of fame shot.”

-”Oh, this is nice. This is a nice house.”

-”What are you doing?”
“I’m a…I’m fixing a divot.”
“Oh…. HE’S FIXING A DIVOT!”

-”This girl… Five foot nothing… Blocked my shot…”
“So when did you start having these dreams?”
“IT WASN”T A DREAM! IT REALLY HAPPENED!”

-”You ain’t Charles Barkley! You’re just some washed up fool that looks like ‘em! Begone! Wannabe! Begone!”

-”Mmmm, something smells good! What are we havin?”
“Chicken.”
“Chicken and what?”
“Chicken and collard greens!”

-”Honey, I though you were going to get better seats this year! This man next to me is doing something very weird in his raincoat!”

-”You ain’t a goin’ nowheres!”

-”I’ll never date Madonna again.”

-”Woah, woah woah! I didn’t know Dan Ackroyd was in this picture!”

-”We’ve got hoops! We’ve got weights! We’ve got balls!”

-”Hey! I wash them after every game!”

-”Let’s go Bulls!!!”

Since I can quote pretty much the entire movie, I won’t bore you any longer with other quotes.  As you can see however, the list goes on and on. Hopefully you recognized at least one them.

To show you that I’m not pulling the popularity of this movie out of my ass, let’s take a look at how Space Jam fared in the box office (SSJREM will like this lol). Despite the mixed reviews, Space Jam was a major box office success. In its opening weekend, it grossed $27,528,529 in the United States. At the end of its run, it grossed $90,418,342 in the United States and $230,418,342 worldwide. Very nice gypsy. And if that wasn’t enough, take a look at how the soundtrack fared: The soundtrack earned mostly good reviews and was successful on the Billboard 200, peaking at #2. The soundtrack also managed to sell very well. It was certified as double platinum less than two months after its release, in January 1997, and in 2001, the soundtrack was certified 6x Platinum. You remember the songs: Space Jam, Fly Like An Eagle, I Believe I Can Fly (charted #2 by R. Kelly), Basketball Jones, etc. Great stuff.

So in conclusion, you can see why this movie is a definite in my Top Ten movies of all time. I may hold a little bias as a Michale Jordan and Looney Tunes fan, but regardless, this movie fucking rocks.  I give Space Jam one chezwick.